EMPOWERING INFLUENTIAL PARENTING
Parents have a sneaking suspicion that their parenting struggles and problems have something to do with them, but they can’t fix something they don’t understand or are not telling the truth about. If you want to walk in truth with Christ as Lord of your life, and realize the fruit of Christlike character in you and your children, you have to bring truth into the light, because this is where Jesus is—in the light—for He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
We must expose the lie of ”explaining away” wrong or bad behavior. The “experts” have created psychological labels or developmental categories for every bad behavior or negative parenting challenge that comes along. And parents have accepted these lies! You might recognize some common expressions most of us have used at some point in our parenting career, such as: the terrible twos, frustrating puberty, or the rebellious teen years, along with bored, hyper-active, shy, loner… The list goes on. We collude together in our common role saying that parenting is just plain hard work; a thankless task, continuing the lie that we can expect rebellion or indifference in children, and excuse the fruit rooted in sin. In categorizing our children with such terms we are actually exposing our own lack of Christlike character. No parent wants to believe they are at fault when children grow up with relational problems, but the hard-to-swallow truth is that our children’s soul condition is a mirror into our own. Our own fruit is telling on us!
Another area of deceit is religious. Serious Christians, who fail to understand their need to go to the cross of Jesus Christ [embracing a death to self-centeredness], find all sorts of ways to spiritualize their reputation, using spiritual terminology to create a veneer over their personality so they can feel good about themselves. Only a deep, heart-level work by Jesus Christ can produce an inner change powerful enough to make one truly spiritual and an authentic Christian.
Moral character [Christlike relating habits] is necessary for a family to hold together. When families fall apart or fester in dysfunction, it is always due to the moral culture of the home that parents themselves have created. Teenage independence, resistance or rebellion, sibling conflicts, “personality conflicts” and unresolved misunderstandings—these are all signs of relational dysfunction due to the moral culture of the home. The school and church cannot be blamed simply because they are not the ones primarily responsible for the task of forming Christlike character in children. It is the parent’s responsibility to learn how to coöperate with the Holy Spirit in this holy endeavor.
Be assured this is not a negative message, but really Good News! God’s desire for those He calls His own is that we not only know He loves us, but that we experience His love from the inside so it will work out toward others, resulting in learning how to love much and love well.
I want to help empower Christian parents toward personal spiritual growth that will enable you to work in your children’s hearts, by unveiling the working truths of the Gospel within the context of how God parents His own. For your consideration, I present sixteen challenging ideas that will compel you toward true spiritual growth, positioning you on the right track relationally with God, with yourself, and with your children. With the guiding wisdom of the Holy Spirit, you will learn how to apply these truths in your family relationships so you can commit to the work of turning around the relational dynamics of your family.
Through three series of probing questions you will come to identify the parenting (relational) practices that produce your spiritual fruit, providing further understanding for cooperating with God’s work in your family. As I progress through blogging the outline shown here on my home page, eventually I will show you practical processes for heart-level child training practices that will empower you in relational parenting, and in turn increase your spiritual influence. In the meantime, the attention is all on you right where God wants it, beginning from the top-down as you allow Him to parent you first.
Many, many spiritual blessings on your journey toward more of Jesus in your life and the Christlike character formation He desires for you.
Empowering Influential Parenting © Copyright 2009 Marilyn Howshall
[posted 11/06/09]
I am not sure how I found your website but it is exactly what I need for our home!! Thank you for sharing!!!
Dear Marilyn, I am so *thrilled* to see you back online writing and reaching out to homeschool moms. I first heard your message 8 years ago (or so!) and it radically changed my life. Thank you and God Bless you. I look forward to keeping up with you again. Love in Christ,
Dear Marilyn
I too am glad you are back! THANK YOU for allowing the Spirit to use you to ENCOURAGE us moms!
PS…There are many of us moms who do not use Facebook. Could you please share the things you share on Facebook, somewhere here on this site. I don’t know if its possible, but it might be worth the try.
THANK YOU again!
I have to admit, I’m reading this and wondering how one avoids more striving as a perfectionist to be a super parent, always blaming oneself when one’s children march off the “straight and narrow”? It sort of sounds like it’s our “fault” if our kids don’t match up to some ideal of the well-behaved, socially adjusted, conforming child …?
I’m just wondering. I’m new to your site and I guess I will need to read more than I have so far and get some clarity. It sounds like a lot has gone into this.
Yes, Hannah, a lot has gone into this—this message of life—the LIFE we have in Jesus Christ. This ministry is the ministry of reconciliation Jesus entrusted to His disciples. There are many ways that seem right to men but they end in death. Reconciling family members at the heart level and building their relationships from this holy place is what Influential Parenting is all about.
We don’t believe in training our children to be “well-behaved, socially adjusted, and conforming”, but to train their hearts toward the formation of Christlike character. Children do what is right because it is in their hearts to do what is right, not because they are conforming through the parents’ control efforts to get them to do what is right. They are taught to become thoroughly acquainted with their own conscience and learn how to relate correctly in their relationships. But it must begin with the parents own lessons in order to lead their little ones on the same path. This is only possible in the context of real relationships within the family dynamics. We lead parents to accept responsibility for any bad relational fruit that didn’t get there all by itself. Parents come to humble themselves before God so He can do the work that only God can do in their families.
The striving toward perfectionism you are referring to is only a work of the flesh. The works God wants you to involve yourself in for His glory are the works of the Spirit, the work of Christlike character in yourself and in your children. There is no striving there, and in fact when this is the primary focus of your family-building efforts, your family life becomes much more manageable, peaceful, loving, and enjoyable, because you and your children are relating in love correctly with each other. You will have their hearts, and they will practice doing what is right out of love for you, for God, and for each other, lifting tremendous burdens of worry.
Your words indicate you are carrying a load of false burden yourself, from which God wants to free you. Won’t you please consider He wants to get your attention through this ministry? He cares more deeply for your precious little ones than even you do. And His hand is reaching out to you right now. You are very welcome to join the Facebook discussion group, H.E.M.—Home Educated Mom, to listen in on the lively discussions taking place there. You will gain much insight and meet many wonderful ladies who are seeking the best for their families, and becoming free from false burdens and wrong expectations. Free to serve the Lord in their families the way He has always intended. Free to focus on what’s truly important, trusting that God is able and will reward with the correct fruit.
Please Come. Many, many spiritual blessings be yours and your family’s, Marilyn Howshall
Marilyn, thanks for taking the time to respond at such length. It’s an complex issue to which I give amount of thought, that of striving in the self to meet a standard for me and my children versus living by the Spirit with a natural producing of fruit (in me and my children). I feel like many Christian parenting teachers present a certain way that is right in their eyes with a condemning attitude toward those who may struggle which results in Christian parents doing a fair amount of judging of one another. This seems like living by the wrong tree (from Genesis) rather than the Tree of Life, which nourishes us to love one another. Just an observation. Anyway, I will look up your FB group and listen in for a while. Thanks!